The people most likely to notice are the people alongside you.
On the same watch, the same shift, the same crew. You do not need to be an expert. You need to notice, ask, and stay in contact.
- 1
Notice
Someone going quiet. Withdrawing from the crew. Changes in mood, sleep, drinking or routine. Talking about feeling trapped, hopeless or like a burden.
- 2
Ask
Find somewhere private. Ask directly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" Using the word is clear, and it tells them you can handle the answer.
- 3
Listen
You do not have to fix it. Let them talk. Do not rush to reassure or change the subject.
- 4
Stay in contact
Help them reach support, then ask again in a few days. The second conversation matters as much as the first.
You will not make it worse. You might be the only person who asks.
The most common reason people give for not asking is that they might make things worse. The evidence does not support that fear.
A review of the published research, across adults and adolescents and both general and at-risk groups, found no study reporting a significant increase in suicidal thinking among people who were asked about it. The authors concluded that talking about suicide may in fact reduce it.
No study
in a review of 13 found that asking someone about suicide increases suicidal thinking. Talking about it may reduce it.
What to do next.
Thank them for telling you. It took courage. Stay calm, and stay with them.
- Ask if they are safe right now. If their life is at immediate risk, call 999 and stay with them.
- Help them talk to someone today. Samaritans on 116 123, text BLUELIGHT to 85258, their GP, NHS 111 (mental health option), or the crisis line for their service.
- Offer to make the call with them, or sit with them while they do.
- Agree when you will next check in, and put a reminder in your phone.
- Do not promise to keep it secret if they are at risk. Tell them you want to get them support.
- Look after yourself too. Talk to someone you trust about how it has affected you.
Three beliefs that keep people quiet, and what the research shows.
Myth
Asking makes it more likely.
Evidence
A review of 13 studies found no such effect. Talking about suicide may reduce suicidal thinking.
Myth
Services will pick it up.
Evidence
Around three in four people who die by suicide were not in contact with mental health services in the year before.
Myth
A proper risk assessment would have caught it.
Evidence
81% of people who died by suicide after recent contact with mental health services were judged at low or no immediate risk at their final contact.
Which leaves us. The people on the same watch, the same shift, the same crew.
The conversation is not the intervention. The second conversation is.
Most of us manage the first one. We ask, we get an answer, we feel relieved, and we move on. A text, a short call, a note that says someone is still thinking about you: staying in contact makes a measurable difference.
33 trials
Across 33 randomised controlled trials, brief interventions and contacts after a suicide attempt produced a modest but significant reduction in repeat attempts.
It is not a destination, and it is not a decision already made.
Most people come through it, and go on living. Getting someone through the next hour, the next night, the next shift, is not delay. It is the whole thing.
If you are in it right now, this applies to you too.
Talk to someone nowWhat happens after the job matters.
Post-incident support is the gap where a lot of harm is either prevented or set in motion.
It does not have to be clinical to matter. Acknowledgement that the job was hard, permission to not be fine, a real check-in, and time that is protected rather than promised. We work with services who want to do better.
- After a difficult incident · for supervisors, 2 pages of A4
- After a difficult job · for the team, 1 page of A4
Free to print and hand round. There is more free training and reading on our guidance and resources page.
Work with usYou do not have to be at breaking point to reach out.
Silence Between Sirens is not a crisis service. These lines are free and there for you now.