When someone says they are not doing great

Someone finally says it. “I’m not doing great.” What happens in the next two minutes matters more than any policy.

Most people freeze here, because they think they need the right answer. You do not. You are not there to fix it. You are there to make it safe to have said it.

A few things that help.

Stay with it. The instinct is to move quickly to solutions, or to “you’ll be alright”. Resist it. Let there be a pause. “That sounds really hard. Tell me more.” Listening is the intervention.

Do not make them regret speaking. No shock, no awkwardness, no treating them differently the next day. The cost of speaking up is exactly what stops most people, and you are either lowering that cost or raising it.

Keep their confidence. If something has to be shared for their safety, tell them, and tell them why. Do not let them find out later that it went round the room.

Do not disappear afterwards. Check back in a few days later. “Been thinking about our chat. How are things.” That someone remembered often matters more than what was said.

You do not need training to do this. You need to not look away when someone trusts you with something hard.

More on this on our guidance and resources page, and on look out for each other.